Counseling Resource Blog

5 Ways to Spice up your Long-term Relationship

1) Maintaining positivity

Daily life stressors can cause partners to limit their conversations to all the negative things that occur throughout their day. It’s easy to get caught up in discussing that annoying co-worker or the driver that cut you off on your way to work.  While it is nice to have your partner to vent to with frustrating experiences, it is vital to the health of the relationship to maintain a balance that includes positive conversation flow as well. Studies have shown that smiling stimulates Dopamine production, the neurotransmitter responsible for inducing feelings of happiness.  So, one of the ways you can add positivity and happiness into your daily interactions with your partner is by sharing with them something funny you heard that day or just being silly/funny in general.

2) It’s all about the small gestures

In the beginning of relationships, people often spend a great deal of time trying to receive the attention and affection of their partner. They take initiative to let them know how much they love and desire them. Throughout the course of the relationship, these gestures might start to lessen and even become nonexistent. Small acts throughout the day to show affection toward your partner will let them know you care, and might even serve as foreplay by nightfall. So, if you are looking to heat things up in the bedroom, it might help to take a closer look at your daily interactions throughout the day. Engaging in small acts of kindness such as making them breakfast or coffee in the morning (the acts you engage in should reflect your partner’s interests and likes), sending flirtatious texts/emails to them, or verbally expressing your appreciation for them (be as specific as you can to let them know what it is you love and appreciate about them; try to avoid vague compliments) will send the message that you care for and love your partner.

3) Add Variety

When you are in a long term relationship things can get repetitive and well, boring at times. New couples have so much to talk about while getting to know each other. Everything that is discussed is new information to each partner, adding anticipation and excitement. When you get to the point where you find yourself “going through the motions” by doing the same routine every week and not enjoying your time together, it’s time for a change! A change that doesn’t involve finding a new partner! Drastic spontaneity isn’t the key here (although some might enjoy that), but it is most effective when you try to engage in an activity that interests both of you and that neither of you have tried before. Some examples are going on a hike on a new trail together, going on that mutually aspired vacation, trying a new sport, or a new type of food. Sharing experiences that are new together can strengthen your connection, add excitement in your relationship, and help you build positive memories together.

4) Take care of yourself

Maintaining your health by exercising, eating healthy, and keeping up on personal hygiene can not only provide longevity to your life, but to your romantic relationship as well. Exercising will keep your blood pumping and give you a rush of adrenaline/epinephrine, which will naturally give you more energy and boost your mood. Eating healthy can provide you the energy and offer good balanced nutrition that boost the benefits of exercising. Adopting new exercise routines can be something fun you can do with your partner, a friend, or enjoy doing by yourself.

Keeping up with hygiene is sometimes overlooked as relationships age. At the beginning of relationships, couples often try to look their best, but as time passes and life changes (especially if children are involved) it can become increasingly difficult to maintain on a daily basis. It may be more realistic to get dressed up for one another on a planned date night. This can be done whether you are going out on the town together or having a romantic dinner at home. Looking your best can increase your self-esteem and might entice your partner to do the same. Feeling better about yourself can increase your confidence and improve your self-esteem, which consequently might increase your libido. An increase in sexual desire might encourage couples to take advantage of opportunities for intimacy and love making (which they may have otherwise passed up on), resulting in experiences that strengthen their adoration for one another.

5) Go ahead and fight…the right way

Fighting is bad, right? Not necessarily. Studies show it is more significant how couples argue rather than the frequency at which they argue. Couples that argue a lot and learn how to compromise in a way that makes them both feel valued and validated have a better chance at maintaining a happy long term relationship compared to couples who avoid having an argument about things that bother them or use accusatory and/or abusive language during their fights.

* It is important to note that the couples that compromise do not necessarily always “meet in the middle” in each argument. For example, if your partner loves a specific music artist and wants to go to a concert with you and you don’t, there is no middle ground. You either go, or don’t go. If this is very important to your partner, you might be more successful in compromising by agreeing to go, if he or she agrees to engage in an activity of your choosing for the next outing together. Engaging in reciprocal compromising validates each of your feelings and expresses that you value each other’s interests, wants, and needs.


I hope you found this to be informative and practical advice on improving your romantic relationships. My goal is to help couples have fun and enjoy life together, despite the hardships that are inevitable in long-term romantic relationships. If you have any questions, would like a FREE phone consultation, or set an appointment, please call (720) 580-1060 or email me directly at

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